If I could write a letter to my pregnant self, five years ago, it would include something along the lines of 'your life is not over.' Because that is what my "friends" were telling me. As far as they were concerned, I would never have a drop of fun again.
I've found that their is a huge misconception concerning life as a parent. Your incredibly important existence on this earth, which consists of sleeping all day, getting yourself into all kinds of shenanigans with your landlord at night, and keeping up with those Kardashian girls, suddenly gets replaced with diapers, vomit, soccer practice, and...eww...mom clothes. This horrible little monster you created is taking over and you are powerless to stop it!
Don't you dare let that stop you from reproducing! I have great news! When you give birth, things definitely change, but the good changes outweigh the bad ones. (Note: Eventually your child will learn to wipe their own butt.) Being a mom has given me some rights that my non-mom friends only wish they could have...
Public playgrounds...a grown-up's paradise.
Don't be so modest. You know you want to slide down that twisty, twirly slide across from the rope bridge. Guess what? Plummeting face first down a positively charged tunnel of darkness, only to be greeted by a mouthful of hot sand, never felt so good. Climbing back up is even better. Your friend's cousin's son is having a birthday party? Consider going. Wrap a ten dollar bill in some foil, and if nothing else, think of the crumbled cake floating in melted ice cream that you will be enjoying later. This is the perfect opportunity for you to revisit a magical place. When you see how much fun those kids are having, you may be a little jealous. Solution? Have a a few of your own. When you emerge from the bottom of that killer slide, hair all over the place, no one will judge you. After all, you are just playing tag with little Johnny and Sally.
Sidewalk Chalk
I don't think this needs much explanation folks. Maybe I am crazy, but I LOVE sidewalk chalk! They make it different these days you know? Better! More colors! More vibrant! It just so happens that my kid loves it too. She asks me to draw a shark and before you know it, our driveway is an oceanic utopia. People walk past our house and think that I am expanding my child's imagination, when I am really just having the time of my life making murals. It is perfectly acceptable!
PB & J and Fruit by the Foot
Having a child also increases your opportunities to eat awesome food. My daughter's lunch usually consists of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, CapriSun, Fruit-by-the-Foot, and maybe a string cheese. Have you eaten a peanut butter and jelly sandwich lately? Instant joy. And do you know how much better cheese is when you can peel it and pretend it is a worm?!?! I make these lunches for us often, usually to save time, but it is so surprisingly wonderful to eat them. I thought that people would wonder why my lunch box looks like it belongs to a third grader. Incorrect! When I have this lunch, I am that cool kid (yeah...that kid.) who always had the coolest Treasure Trolls Thermos, with the coolest food that everyone wished they had. People fight to sit by me so they can see what I am grubbin' on, and hope to score my leftovers No, I will not trade my Mondo for your water, and don't even think about trying to give me those carrots.
Your life is certainly not over when you become a parent. In a way, your life starts over. Beginning with diapers, and doctor visits...then to Cabbage Patch Kids and Barbie...lipgloss and nail polish... See where I am going with this? (I don't mean mold your daughter into the beauty pageant queen you never got to be, it is time to let go of that.) I mean, you can relive your childhood through your own kids! Now get out there and merry-go-round 'til you puke up your Happy Meal!
Being an adult is great. Me personally, I'd take it over being a kid any day. Yeah, I have to pay bills and be "responsible" and all of that grown up stuff. But I'd rather drive a real car with a real radio, than a plastic car with residue leftover from the stickers my brother pulled off the dash.
I'm not exactly sure when I officially crossed the line into the world of adulthood, but so far it has been better than I ever imagined. I love staying up as late as I want, eating as much processed cheese-in-a-can as I desire, and guess what? I can go on a harmless date to the local music store and coffee shop...just like I did 6 years ago...except this time... NO QUESTIONS ASKED! It is woNDerFul!
I won't say I haven't had a few bumps in the road as a licensed adult. I have lost people I care about, made tough decisions, and I've been broke as a joke, too. From experience, I know that sometimes you have to roll with the punches. You really can make it through anything...It is all in how you handle yourself. There are a few unexpected things, however, that I'm still learning how to deal with as a grown up...
1. I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I have had some work experience, but I am afraid it's nothing that will be very beneficial for my resume. Take our town's local drive-in for example. Employers these days aren't exactly looking for someone who has extensive experience in smelling like a cheesy fried jalapeno. The only thing that was good for was landing a date.
I'm a "college student" right now, which is a term I don't associate myself with much. I like to think of myself as a good driver, and when I think of said group of individuals who are shaping the future of our world, I think of crazy drivers and getting "frat boy wasted."
What I am saying here is that I thought adults knew what they were going to do for the rest of time! I started hearing about college and careers before I can even remember! It's not like I haven't had years to make a decision, but I still just can't commit to one thing! That, I blame Barbie for.
2. Running around in the sprinkler in your front (or back) yard with out your undies is NOT okay. It is hot outside. Sometimes, the only thing more refreshing than running around in your sprinkler on a sizzling summer day, is to do so with out underwear. Which was perfectly acceptable as a kid. Then it was cute. Now it is either really scary, or a good way to attract sexual predators to your neighborhood. Bummer.
Two years ago, I graduated from cosmetology school. It was a pretty big deal for me, mostly because that place has been forever branded "Hell" in my book. My life changed dramatically after that. First off, I realized that I should get on God's good side, because if Hell is even a fraction of anything like that place, I did NOT want to spend an eternity there. Second, I was introduced to the world of social networking. (I know, I know...a little late...bleh)I was told it was a smart move if I wanted to grow a clientele as a hairstylist. I decided I would try facebook. It seemed sophisticated and trendy, two things that every woman wants to be. Twitter just didn't seem like my style, mostly because I hate the word "tweet." I don't know exactly what that is, but I don't want ANYONE..not even my shadow hearing me do it. It took me a whole month and a half and my fifty something year old neighbor to learn my way around, but I did it.
Before I knew it, I was a normal member of society. I was updating my status with things like "Can you believe that wind?" or "This cherry limeade is outstanding!" Looking back, I feel pretty goofy for making statements of that sort. They were so obvious! If their is a small cow tumbling across the road, then surely I wasn't the only person to notice that it was a bit blustery outside. And about the cherry limeade...well I shouldn't have to elaborate on that because EVERYONE knows that they are outstanding.
One day it hit me that I thought facebook was just a tad rediculous. I found myself liking posts saying things such as "I drank an entire bottle of conditioner at that party last nitttttte! CRAAZZZYYY!!" And don't even get me started on those "My bra is blue and I like it on the kitchen table" games. If you drink conditioner, drunk or sober, we were clearly not meant to be soul sisters. And I have no need to write where I "like it," even if it is staged to be for a good cause. So I began editing my friends list...Cause I am pretty sure I don't even know 1298 people. Listen here Sally TooCewlForSkewl Sanders...just because I sat next to you in the nurses office in elementary school once does NOT mean we should spend time on our lunch breaks seeing who can poke each other more.
My facebook account today is pretty simple. I have less than 100 friends...GASP! Basically, if I'm not your actual friend, I no longer know where you are eating dinner at or why you are mad at your boyfriend...again. I will say it is pretty liberating. I communicate with people I actually know, and I don't find myself checking for new friend requests every 23 minutes.
